breathe-

haha shucks i think i'm becoming stupid. in fact, i can't even say that, because i can't seem to think properly anymore. there's like this huge ball of iron mesh lodged in my brain, it's really heavy and dull and convoluted. like a massive boulder on the railway tracks paved across the top of my head, blocking off any and every train of thought. get it? train? railway tracks? hahahahaha.

right. where was i?

oh yes the boulder. actually it's more like really viscous mud. it's like there was a landslide and every thought process is a swim through thick, glutinous mud. somehow every thought drifts along really sluggishly and gets clogged somewhere, and then i try mightily hard to hang on to it, to keep track of it, but as i grasp it in my hand it crumbles into a million motes of thought-dust which drift away, dissipating to hide in the nooks of my cranium.

and i've realised that my brain works in a very linear fashion. i think that's why at the end of the day i'm not doing humanities. because when all the factors and causes and points and arguments come together i get all confused and it's like trying to unravel 17 balls of twine with 2 hands, 2 feet, and a nose. i just can't handle everything at a go. i think that's also why i can't debate anymore, because i keep losing track of what's been said, what is being said, and what needs to be said. everything is a huge squiggle which eventually resolves into...

nothing.

so when the guy giving the sex talk said that guys have the ability to think about absolutely nothing, i was like, heck yeah! of course he said lots of other things too but that's another story for another time. and the talk came after gp, which reminded me of my diagnostic essay, which i totally messed up because of aforementioned debilitating condition. i have thus come to fear the return of said essay and have prepared a shredder for the occasion.

wish me luck.